I’ve heard said that when you have a near death experience,
You see your whole life flash by in a second…
Well, they were wrong. Or maybe it wasn’t near enough…,
The one I had yesterday
When a huge SUV almost crushed my tiny beetle.
My fault… but I swear I didn’t see it coming.
I swear I checked for oncoming traffic.
But then I was in a pretty foul mood
And that probably caused a blind spot.
He/she braked and I swerved
Tragedy averted.
He probably yelled at me.
I don’t know… but this I know,
Someone definitely is watching over me.
My dad or god or my dad as god.
Nothing flashed by me
No elation, no disappointment
No laughter, no tear
No triumph, no failure
Not one special moment from 38 years of life
No suppressed longing no repressed regret
No unbridled joy
Neither were there subconscious memories
All I thought was, “How stupid could I have been!”
“I put my kids in danger! How could I?”
All I heard was rebuke, “How could I be careless
With my kids in the car!”
Chastised, I pulled over for a breather
My daughter, the elder one who realized what just occurred
Hugged me in an effort to cheer
The other one, unaware, carried on demanding what she was demanding…
Life went on, as I drove to their next class
But it was quite a while before my hands stopped trembling.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
എനിക്കറിയില്ല
എന്നോ എവിടെയോ ഉതിര്ന്നു വീണ ചില പൂക്കള്
ഓര്മ്മയുടെ ഉണര്വില് നിന്നോ
മനസ്സിന്റെ തുറക്കാത്ത കവാടത്തില് നിന്നോ
എനിക്കറിയില്ല
ഒന്നും തിരികെ എടുക്കാന് മുതിര്ന്നില്ല
കാണാന് മറന്ന സ്വപ്നങ്ങള് മാത്ത്രം
ആ ഏകാന്ത വഴികളില് അവയ്ക്ക് കൂട്ടായി...
ഓര്മ്മയുടെ ഉണര്വില് നിന്നോ
മനസ്സിന്റെ തുറക്കാത്ത കവാടത്തില് നിന്നോ
എനിക്കറിയില്ല
ഒന്നും തിരികെ എടുക്കാന് മുതിര്ന്നില്ല
കാണാന് മറന്ന സ്വപ്നങ്ങള് മാത്ത്രം
ആ ഏകാന്ത വഴികളില് അവയ്ക്ക് കൂട്ടായി...
Monday, January 5, 2009
Blame it on Alakananda
I’ve heard quite a few women claiming to be ‘remote widows’ (you know, losing their husbands to the remote control…) and I’ve read quite a bit about how, like it or not, the male gene is programmed for that love affair with the remote. But I always thought I had escaped the fate, until quite recently.
The change was subtle. I did not even realize it was creeping in. what began as just a minor dalliance during his morning cup of tea, soon blossomed into a full fledged romance. I did not realize how bad it was until a couple of days ago my li’l girl gently pushed my husband off the couch to peer under him.
“Just checking,” she quipped.
“Checking what?”
“Checking if he’s put down any roots”.
I thought that might shame him into hauling himself off the sofa. No such luck. I cannot believe that my husband is turning into a couch potato. Gone are his days of biking, our morning walks, and the ping pong table languishes in our garage gathering dust. He was going to teach the girls to play over the winter break. The nasty cold weather might be blamed for the lack of exercise, but come on, there’s a limit to blaming the weather.
And for a person like me to whom watching TV is simply anathema, I find it intolerable. Like my orkut profile claims I’d rather browse or read a book than stare at the idiot box.
Like every ‘ dutiful’ wife I sat and pondered if it was all my fault and I’ve come to the conclusion that it indeed was. I was the one who arranged for them to meet. It all began last summer. We had only American channels then – the usual Time Warner cable connection that curiously was incapable of playing anything but Disney channel. (two girls-parents not that much into TV, minimum homework, 30 minutes of tv time each… well you do the math.)I soon realized that Disney was anything but what i had associated with the lovable Mouse and the whacky Duck.
While I might never forgive Walt for what he did to a certain little mermaid which incidentally, is favorite fairy tale (the original HCA version I mean), I do have my share of favorite Disney moments. That spaghetti scene in ‘the Lady and the Tramp’ if you ask me is one of the most romantic scenes ever captured on film. However, I staunchly believe that the ‘secret pop star’ Hannah Montana is no role model for my girls. Nor do I care much for Raven or her equally obnoxious brother. But those adorable twins: Zack and Cody and the long suffering Moseby… well, that’s another tale, and I fear I digress.
Coming back to my tale, we soon decided that enough was enough. It was high time they started watching some Malayalam channels for some cultural influence from home. I had enough of her belting out “ pumpin’ up the party now”. Maybe i could get her to hum a few mallu songs. First we tried one of those internet subscribed mallu channels. But it got to be a bit tedious, having to connect the laptop to the tv and switching screens and cables and what not. The idea soon lost its charm. And I did not hear my daughter humming ‘natha brahmathin sagaram…’
Then I slowly mooted the idea of a dish antenna and Indian channels. He was totally against it at first. But one fine day he decided we could go for it.
“Let’s do it. We’ll get a dish antenna and cut the American channels. We’ll just retain the basic channels. Then no more Disney".
Wow! I was thrilled. After mush discussions and consultation, we decided to go for the Asianet -Amrita combo. Idea star singer- all those puranic serials- the shot of spirituality from Amrita - movies. Those were the deciding factors. As a bonus, a couple of Hindi channels were thrown in too. Now maybe the girls will get a good dose of Indian culture. Of course, none of those dreadful tearjerker serials of course. The TV would be strictly off during those hours.
The antenna came by courier. My husband and a couple of friends, after a day’s toil managed to position it and soon we were receiving Indian channels on our TV. It was a Sunday and there was a nice old Lalettan movie on Asianet. ‘Unnikale oru katha parayaam’ I think. After ten minutes my little one wanted to surf channels. She found the Hindi channel. ‘Salaam Namaste’ was on.
“Hey that looks nice!” that was the older one.
“Yes deedi let’s watch this.”
I am sure the trendy clothes and the catchy music caught them.
Hmm, well, err, I let that pass. Oh, from tomorrow I’ll make sure they watch something more enriching.
From the next day I tried getting them hooked on ‘Sreemad Bhagavatham’ and ‘Devi Mahatmyam’. I failed miserably. Though they did show some interest, the timings were bad. After being draconian about their bed time at 10 sharp, I couldn’t ask them to stay up till 11 watching TV. So I gave it up.
Oh well anyway, long story short – they don’t watch much of TV. Nor do I find the programs particularly ‘culturally enriching’. Uh, you know what I mean. I don’t want to explain which aspect of Indian culture includes nubile and not so nubile young things in barely there costumes cavorting on stage with equally ‘misclad’ guys. (Yea, so I am a prude. SO…..? I am a mom too remember, and it’s a mom’s privilege to be a prude in certain things)
But all along, someone else was silently being reeled in. Slowly, steadily, stealthily, till he was totally hooked. ‘chakkinu vachathu kokkinu kondu’.
So here I am or rather me and the kids, left bereft. But I’ll take care of it. If I could bring it in, I can take it out too. So am starting to work on it. I’ll have those channels thrown out soon. Let me poison his mind. (hee hee I feel an evil cackle coming on)
Oh but just a moment, did I just hear my daughter hum a tune? Sounded awfully like ‘kolakkuzhal vili ketto…”
Hmmm, let me consider things for a while. Maybe I’ll just go for a TV curfew time first.
PS: What’s with the title you ask? Well, Alakananda is one of the leading news anchors on Asianet and a hot favorite if Google is anything to go by. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who hunt for her online, and most of them land on my blog. So I have no complaints. So I thought I’ll just give the title to my namesake. Come on, it sounded good to me. You don’t have a problem with that do you? Hey , its my blog remember?
The change was subtle. I did not even realize it was creeping in. what began as just a minor dalliance during his morning cup of tea, soon blossomed into a full fledged romance. I did not realize how bad it was until a couple of days ago my li’l girl gently pushed my husband off the couch to peer under him.
“Just checking,” she quipped.
“Checking what?”
“Checking if he’s put down any roots”.
I thought that might shame him into hauling himself off the sofa. No such luck. I cannot believe that my husband is turning into a couch potato. Gone are his days of biking, our morning walks, and the ping pong table languishes in our garage gathering dust. He was going to teach the girls to play over the winter break. The nasty cold weather might be blamed for the lack of exercise, but come on, there’s a limit to blaming the weather.
And for a person like me to whom watching TV is simply anathema, I find it intolerable. Like my orkut profile claims I’d rather browse or read a book than stare at the idiot box.
Like every ‘ dutiful’ wife I sat and pondered if it was all my fault and I’ve come to the conclusion that it indeed was. I was the one who arranged for them to meet. It all began last summer. We had only American channels then – the usual Time Warner cable connection that curiously was incapable of playing anything but Disney channel. (two girls-parents not that much into TV, minimum homework, 30 minutes of tv time each… well you do the math.)I soon realized that Disney was anything but what i had associated with the lovable Mouse and the whacky Duck.
While I might never forgive Walt for what he did to a certain little mermaid which incidentally, is favorite fairy tale (the original HCA version I mean), I do have my share of favorite Disney moments. That spaghetti scene in ‘the Lady and the Tramp’ if you ask me is one of the most romantic scenes ever captured on film. However, I staunchly believe that the ‘secret pop star’ Hannah Montana is no role model for my girls. Nor do I care much for Raven or her equally obnoxious brother. But those adorable twins: Zack and Cody and the long suffering Moseby… well, that’s another tale, and I fear I digress.
Coming back to my tale, we soon decided that enough was enough. It was high time they started watching some Malayalam channels for some cultural influence from home. I had enough of her belting out “ pumpin’ up the party now”. Maybe i could get her to hum a few mallu songs. First we tried one of those internet subscribed mallu channels. But it got to be a bit tedious, having to connect the laptop to the tv and switching screens and cables and what not. The idea soon lost its charm. And I did not hear my daughter humming ‘natha brahmathin sagaram…’
Then I slowly mooted the idea of a dish antenna and Indian channels. He was totally against it at first. But one fine day he decided we could go for it.
“Let’s do it. We’ll get a dish antenna and cut the American channels. We’ll just retain the basic channels. Then no more Disney".
Wow! I was thrilled. After mush discussions and consultation, we decided to go for the Asianet -Amrita combo. Idea star singer- all those puranic serials- the shot of spirituality from Amrita - movies. Those were the deciding factors. As a bonus, a couple of Hindi channels were thrown in too. Now maybe the girls will get a good dose of Indian culture. Of course, none of those dreadful tearjerker serials of course. The TV would be strictly off during those hours.
The antenna came by courier. My husband and a couple of friends, after a day’s toil managed to position it and soon we were receiving Indian channels on our TV. It was a Sunday and there was a nice old Lalettan movie on Asianet. ‘Unnikale oru katha parayaam’ I think. After ten minutes my little one wanted to surf channels. She found the Hindi channel. ‘Salaam Namaste’ was on.
“Hey that looks nice!” that was the older one.
“Yes deedi let’s watch this.”
I am sure the trendy clothes and the catchy music caught them.
Hmm, well, err, I let that pass. Oh, from tomorrow I’ll make sure they watch something more enriching.
From the next day I tried getting them hooked on ‘Sreemad Bhagavatham’ and ‘Devi Mahatmyam’. I failed miserably. Though they did show some interest, the timings were bad. After being draconian about their bed time at 10 sharp, I couldn’t ask them to stay up till 11 watching TV. So I gave it up.
Oh well anyway, long story short – they don’t watch much of TV. Nor do I find the programs particularly ‘culturally enriching’. Uh, you know what I mean. I don’t want to explain which aspect of Indian culture includes nubile and not so nubile young things in barely there costumes cavorting on stage with equally ‘misclad’ guys. (Yea, so I am a prude. SO…..? I am a mom too remember, and it’s a mom’s privilege to be a prude in certain things)
But all along, someone else was silently being reeled in. Slowly, steadily, stealthily, till he was totally hooked. ‘chakkinu vachathu kokkinu kondu’.
So here I am or rather me and the kids, left bereft. But I’ll take care of it. If I could bring it in, I can take it out too. So am starting to work on it. I’ll have those channels thrown out soon. Let me poison his mind. (hee hee I feel an evil cackle coming on)
Oh but just a moment, did I just hear my daughter hum a tune? Sounded awfully like ‘kolakkuzhal vili ketto…”
Hmmm, let me consider things for a while. Maybe I’ll just go for a TV curfew time first.
PS: What’s with the title you ask? Well, Alakananda is one of the leading news anchors on Asianet and a hot favorite if Google is anything to go by. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who hunt for her online, and most of them land on my blog. So I have no complaints. So I thought I’ll just give the title to my namesake. Come on, it sounded good to me. You don’t have a problem with that do you? Hey , its my blog remember?
Friday, January 2, 2009
It’s that time of the Year Again…
Surprisingly not many asked that dreaded question yesterday at the low key New Year ‘party’ I attended yesterday. Low key for a lot of reasons, though I would like to think that the Mumbai terrorist attack was what put a dampener on the festivities. Who am I trying to fool? Our apathy has reached such abysmal depths of shame that Thanksgiving Day parties were going on full swing on 27th November . I know I attended one too. But I at least chose to wear black.
What was it that we were so thankful about? That we were not in Mumbai at the Taj/Trident/Oberoi on that accursed day? That none of our close kith or kin were on that list of blood and smoke? If I remember right it wasn’t even the hottest topic of discussion. They were talking about the decorated bird on the table and the intricacies of roasting a turkey.
The other topic was the upcoming Christmas day celebration coming up at the Mallu organization here. There I did try to breach the male ranks to reach the board members and suggested that we at least observe a ‘two-minute-silence-prayer’ routine before the program started in memory of those who lost their lives. Hey we lost one of ours too… a promising young man named Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan. Bear with me, I devoutly believe that all those lives lost were ours, but tried the Major’s name to gain leverage for my idea.
“Hmm, we shall definitely consider the idea. Thanks for the suggestion.” Ah, a nice way of saying no, I know. Atleast that was better than the other response I got. “ Idea Kollaam. But the situation is not right. It’s a celebration. We cannot bring this in and spoil the mood…” . I was aghast. Where was the enthusiasm with which I was sure my idea would be greeted? (oh well, yeah I had visions of being thanked for my great idea….”oh! wonderful! That is such a nice thought. Why, none of us even thought of it. You are so patriotic….” . ok none of that happened.) Anyway, I was really struck by the desperation with which people tried to ignore it.
And why wasn’t the situation right? Here we were, a big bunch of Indians, far away from home, gathering a few days after a horrific attack on the country, wasn’t it the perfect occasion to express solidarity with our homeland? Were we not morally bound to acknowledge the sacrifice of lives? Should that not have been the first thing on everybody’s minds? Moreover, in my book, a celebration was always a time to remember those that were not with us, those that did not make it. A time to celebrate their lives too.
And ‘spoiling the mood’??????????!!!!!!!
Excuse me! All these onam and Christmas ‘celebrations’ are surefire recipes for disasters anyway. Friendships are broken ever year over ‘prime time’ programs, song selections, rehearsal schedules, boys/girls groups and what not. Moods were going to go awry anyway. Whether the moods of people with such trivial issues were worth considering is a matter of opinion.
So at the end of it I was left totally disgusted with everyone, most of all with myself. I was part of that apathetic bunch too. Why are we all so happy to remain in our own safe cocoons? When are we going to start caring? What wake up call did we need to show some empathy?
Anyway that brings me back to the quest ion I was asked. “Have I made any New Year resolutions?”
Well, I have made one, one which I hope I will stick to through the year. Nope, its not to lose 30 pounds in two months , not that I shall organize my closets and cupboards, not even that I shall hereafter leave the kitchen clean and sparkling every night unlike the ‘yudhdhakkalam’ I leave behind every night.
All I resolved and promised myself was that I would write everyday. Whether I felt like it or not, whether it sounded good or bad. Whether I post what I write or publish it or just let it languish in some oblivious corner of my hard disk. In sadness and joy, in health and sickness, for richer or poorer, I’ve decided to stay true and truly wedded to the only thing I think I can do- write. A minimum of 500 words a day. Let me see if I can do it. If I can, I’ll keep you posted. :)
What was it that we were so thankful about? That we were not in Mumbai at the Taj/Trident/Oberoi on that accursed day? That none of our close kith or kin were on that list of blood and smoke? If I remember right it wasn’t even the hottest topic of discussion. They were talking about the decorated bird on the table and the intricacies of roasting a turkey.
The other topic was the upcoming Christmas day celebration coming up at the Mallu organization here. There I did try to breach the male ranks to reach the board members and suggested that we at least observe a ‘two-minute-silence-prayer’ routine before the program started in memory of those who lost their lives. Hey we lost one of ours too… a promising young man named Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan. Bear with me, I devoutly believe that all those lives lost were ours, but tried the Major’s name to gain leverage for my idea.
“Hmm, we shall definitely consider the idea. Thanks for the suggestion.” Ah, a nice way of saying no, I know. Atleast that was better than the other response I got. “ Idea Kollaam. But the situation is not right. It’s a celebration. We cannot bring this in and spoil the mood…” . I was aghast. Where was the enthusiasm with which I was sure my idea would be greeted? (oh well, yeah I had visions of being thanked for my great idea….”oh! wonderful! That is such a nice thought. Why, none of us even thought of it. You are so patriotic….” . ok none of that happened.) Anyway, I was really struck by the desperation with which people tried to ignore it.
And why wasn’t the situation right? Here we were, a big bunch of Indians, far away from home, gathering a few days after a horrific attack on the country, wasn’t it the perfect occasion to express solidarity with our homeland? Were we not morally bound to acknowledge the sacrifice of lives? Should that not have been the first thing on everybody’s minds? Moreover, in my book, a celebration was always a time to remember those that were not with us, those that did not make it. A time to celebrate their lives too.
And ‘spoiling the mood’??????????!!!!!!!
Excuse me! All these onam and Christmas ‘celebrations’ are surefire recipes for disasters anyway. Friendships are broken ever year over ‘prime time’ programs, song selections, rehearsal schedules, boys/girls groups and what not. Moods were going to go awry anyway. Whether the moods of people with such trivial issues were worth considering is a matter of opinion.
So at the end of it I was left totally disgusted with everyone, most of all with myself. I was part of that apathetic bunch too. Why are we all so happy to remain in our own safe cocoons? When are we going to start caring? What wake up call did we need to show some empathy?
Anyway that brings me back to the quest ion I was asked. “Have I made any New Year resolutions?”
Well, I have made one, one which I hope I will stick to through the year. Nope, its not to lose 30 pounds in two months , not that I shall organize my closets and cupboards, not even that I shall hereafter leave the kitchen clean and sparkling every night unlike the ‘yudhdhakkalam’ I leave behind every night.
All I resolved and promised myself was that I would write everyday. Whether I felt like it or not, whether it sounded good or bad. Whether I post what I write or publish it or just let it languish in some oblivious corner of my hard disk. In sadness and joy, in health and sickness, for richer or poorer, I’ve decided to stay true and truly wedded to the only thing I think I can do- write. A minimum of 500 words a day. Let me see if I can do it. If I can, I’ll keep you posted. :)
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